|
asdfOnce
upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for
baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and
fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought
to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so
he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved baked beans,
and shortly after, that they got married.
It was his birthday a few
months later and, on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country,
the man called his wife and told her he would be late because
he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed
a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed
him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could
walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down
one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next.
By the time he arrived home
he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited.
She exclaimed, "Darling,
I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head
of the table and made him promise not to peek.
At this point he was beginning
to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove
the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise
not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as
a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel
better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!'
It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To
keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms awhile, hoping the
smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal
when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his
other leg and let go. This was a real blue-ribbon winner; the
windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and, a minute later,
the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned
in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise
of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten
minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin. When
he heard his wife saying goodbye (indicating the end of his loneliness,
and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his
hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of
innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long,
she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he
had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled,
"Surprise!!"
To his shock and horror,
there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his
surprise birthday party.
Myspace Comments
|
